How To Judiciously Monitor Angry Teen Behavior Anyone who has parented a teenager knows that teen behavior can be erratic, responsible, irrational, sweet, loving and angry, all in the same day. Raising a teen is not for the faint hearted, that's for sure. During the teen years, they are growing by leaps and bounds, hormones are largely unbalanced and they are making the transition to adulthood. It's a tough road for them, too. While it can be quite difficult for parents to deal with this roller coaster style, day to day, you've got to keep in mind that you're the adult. It's up to you to be a moderating influence, the one who guides in an adult manner, with a good dose of mellowness. Of all the behavior patterns, the angry teen can be most alarming. Parents are sometimes hard pressed to know whether this is just a momentary flush of irrationality, or is indicative of a dangerous pattern. This article seeks to explore some of the characteristics of angry teen behaviors and what you can do to help. One of the difficulties teens face in making the transition to adulthood is wanting to assume responsibility for themselves while at the same time wishing they didn't have to grow up so fast. It's kind of a push-pull thing. You've tried to teach them to be responsible and give them age-appropriate judgment lessons. You know they're going to make mistakes. Some teens can be quite hard on themselves, thinking that they are now expected to be perfect. At the same time, they're anxious to 'try on' adulthood and may resent your apparent interference in this process. For example, you casually remind your teen to wear a coat, because it's cold outside. You say this out of habit, with no desire to be bossing them around, or treating them like a child. The response? Your now angry teen shouts “Mother, can you please stop acting like I'm two years old?” and then is out the door, without the coat, slamming the door behind her. Unfortunately, this is a 'normal' angry teen behavior. On the other hand, if every time you speak to your child, there's a sarcastic and angry response, it's time to pay attention. A consistently angry teen is an unhappy child with a more generalized problem. One approach that can work is to wait for a neutral moment, when you can sit down together and have a private one on one. A family sit-down is certainly not the answer. Let your teen know that you aren't looking to deliver a lecture, but that you want to listen to them. Let this habitually angry teen know that you intend that your conversation be confidential. Put them at ease to speak their mind. Ask if there's anything you do or say that rubs them the wrong way, seems unfair, demeaning or just plain off the wall. Open the conversation up to all possibilities. This approach can get the ball rolling. If there are issues with your own behavior, or perceived but untrue attitudes, try to straighten those out. Be compassionate and charitable towards their point of view. Now's the time to make further inquiries, in a measured, non-threatening way. Ask if they've got anything else on their mind. Let them know that they can trust you to be non-judgmental (this should be an ongoing strategy). Maybe the source of the angry teen behaviors, sarcasm, or cynicism is rooted in a jealous acquaintance's jabs. Maybe someone has been making threats at school. You won't know unless you can get them to open up. If you find that there's a single source that's thrown your teen for a loop, address that issue in a straightforward manner and build on the trust that revealed the issues in the first place. On the other hand, you may learn some truly shocking information in your conversations. What you learn depends on the trust you engender. You may find there's a bully promising violence, an online predator that's making your child afraid or any number of other equally alarming situations. Fear in teens often manifests as angry teen behavior, in order to hide the truth they feel unqualified to reconcile. Should you discover that your angry teen is responding to a dangerous situation, give them the option of deciding that you can deal with it or choosing to get a professional opinion. You never want to betray their trust, but you need to make it clear that outside help is an option to consider and that there are professionals who can help them deal with their problems in a confidential and effective manner. Don't force issues. Make certain that your child knows that they can always safely confide in you. Except in a most serious situation, it's likely that the anger can be resolved through low-key and diligent follow up conversations. Summary Teens just seem to have days where they are mad at the world and take it out on everyone around them. Parents can either add fuel to the fire, or douse it. Be caring, but non confrontational with your teen. If you feel something is seriously wrong, consult a professional to help. Related Articles Aggressive Behavior In Children Teen Summer Camps Related Sites